1. Big girls, fat girls, BBWs…get not love
2. I currently weigh 190 pounds
3. I have not been hit on by a man in over a year
4. The ratio of (marry-able) black men to black women is 1 to 5 (in men’s favor) or more in Washington DC.
5. I’m 3o and would like to get married by 35 for a myriad of reasons.
I know that there are a lot of reasons to lose weight, but this blog is about attraction. Basically, I’ve concluded that most men (not all) prefer a woman that is height and weight proportionate. If I want to help my chances of finding a man…I have to lose weight and work to maximize my beauty. Sure sure, everyone is beautiful…but most people don’t consider everyone to be attractive. That’s the difference. I want to be attractive. Classically, generally attractive, and I’m not afraid to say it. It’s the truth…it sounds trivial and shallow, but it’s not. It’s reality.
So I’m going to go from 190 to 130.
I begin now.
5 Comments
November 16, 2007 at 2:18 am
I’ve been involved in a conversation on another blog http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2007/11/gray-hair-botox.html
that you might find interesting based on your current state.
While I do agree that life is easier for thin folks than fat, I stand by my statement that happiness, joy and self-confidence are attractive. A trim figure and a pretty face can get you a first glance, but a lousy attitude can ruin it all. This is the only post of yours I have read, so please don’t think this is a personal attack on you (since I don’t know your attitude!)
The best way to find a person to share your life with is to have a life yourself. When you are living a joyful, happy life, you meet people who are also living joyful, happy lives. Don’t wait until you have a man in your life to have a life!
Blessings on your quest.
November 16, 2007 at 2:26 am
I’m a wonderful person…like a lot of wonderful people I know. Like a lot of wonderful, warm, loving, happy, peaceful people I know. What I am…I am. However, attraction is not about me…attraction is made up of social norms, accepted standards…that type of bullshit.
I live in a world that has an accepted sense of beauty…and now…I care. I didn’t care for a long long time…but I care now.
November 19, 2007 at 10:24 am
I think happiness, joy, and self-confidence are important, and they’re certainly components of attractiveness. But you’re fooling yourself if you think that’s what guys are interested in.
Guys don’t work the same as girls. Women can delay their judgment on whether someone is attractive or not. They can come to find someone physically attractive based on personality and actions, even if they didn’t think of that person that way when they first met them.
But guys make the decision right when they meet someone: you are either f*ckable or unf*ckable. Dateable is a smaller subset of the first category and never involves the latter. It doesn’t matter if you are the happiest, most joyful, self-confident woman in the world; if they aren’t attractive to you, they won’t be. When guys say personality matters, they mean it can move you from the f*ckable to unf*ckable, not the other way around. They may also mean that personality can be the difference between wanting to sleep with someone and wanting to date them. Hypothetically, a woman might be able to move from being undesirable to being desirable, but only if she makes such drastic changes in appearance such that a re-evaluation is necessary.
It might sound shallow, but guys are just wired differently (and I say this as a biologist). They are visually-oriented. The area of the brain that’s involved in attraction is tightly connected to visual stimuli. In women, it’s connected more to the emotional processing center of the brain. Try explaining to a male friend that women can become attracted to a male friend after many months or years of not being attracted to them. They will look at you in disbelief. It’s just not how guys work.
The sad truth is that personality is a plus, but it will never be enough.
November 19, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Thanks Sarah…couldn’t have said it better myself.
December 3, 2007 at 5:49 pm
How tired are we are living life according to what we weigh??? Thinking about food & fat, talking about food & fat, dreaming about food & fat. Is there another way of life and how do I get there?