Fat women are beautiful, not always attractive

All people have beauty.  I think that is an accepted fact.  Another fact, people hate it when generalities are made.  For example:

Women can’t drive
Black people can play sports
Men are controlled by their penises

We don’t like statements like that.  However, some women can’t drive, some black people are great at sports, and there are quite a few men who are slaves to their dicks.  Another truth…Fat women are not always seen as attactive.  Beautiful maybe, but are men generally attracted to fat women?????  You tell me.

Life has taught me that the answer is no.  The fat women who are currently fat, single, (not those who are married and got married while skinny, and are now fat) and looking for love…only about 20% of them (who I know, I don’t know who you know) are dating.

People tell me all the time…men like women with meat on them, especially black men.  Yes there are men with Big Girl fetishes…but…No woman wants a man to want them just because they are a BBW, or have long hair, or are thin, or rich.  Women want to be loved because of who they are.   I don’t want a man who likes big girls…I just want a man that finds me attractive.  However, if I haven’t been hit on in a year…come on??????  You can preach to me about loving myself all you want.  My reality and the reality around me give me cues about life and living.  One thing that I know that I know that I know.

Being generally accepted as attractive by the opposite sex increases your dating options.  I really don’t think you can argue with that.  If you are a single black woman over the age of 25, you have to deal with a lot of competition for few eligible black men.  Being attractive increases your odds of dating more…thus being exposed to more men who you may be able to have a meaningful relationship with.

Side note: You can be a BBW and meet men…I’m not saying you can’t.  But the other point to this is that I love Fit, Muscular men who take care of their bodies.  Men like these.  These men usually want a woman who is also fit and takes care of her body…workouts and such.  Are they wrong to have standards…women have standards too?  If you want to attract some “eye candy”, you may want to be giving out eye candy.  You dig??



Filed under african american, attraction, bbw, beauty, dating, fat, men

25 responses to “Fat women are beautiful, not always attractive

  1. Since you seek a mate who is active and fit, it does indeed make sense for you to be an active and fit person. Enjoy the journey!

  2. dating web

    i think that this depends. for me this is not 100% true.

  3. Getsomehairapy, does that men that if you are unfit and fat you should only expect to date people who are the same. A lot of women would not be happy with that.

  4. No, that means that people who are active and fit often enjoy activities that someone who is unfit either wouldn’t enjoy or might not be capable of participating.

    It also means that people leading an active life often find themselves in different places than people who are less active. (eg. I wouldn’t meet someone at the kayak store, because I don’t kayak.)

    You meet and fall in love with the people who come into your world. If you aren’t meeting anyone in the world you have, it makes sense to expand that world.

  5. eric

    You are so right. I am, for the most part, like every other guy; though I do work out five times a week, which is not average. I hate to say this, but I am repulsed by heavy women. And every single guy, be it co-worker, aquaintance, friend, etc agrees; heavy women are not at all attractive. As much as Oprah pushes the Big is Beautiful farce, reality is the opposite.

    I can only assume that heavy people just get tired of getting called on their weak excuses for their appearance. Thus, they come up with the “you have to love me for who I am,” nonsense that ultimately fails. Sure, maybe a guy here or there will, but the vast majority of men won’t, and will lok elsewhere.

    • Asagao

      I actually want to thank you. You seem to be the only one here who has been 100% honest out of the comments that I have read so far. I can’t stand these surveys or articles that say there are guys attracted to larger women.

      The thing that I don’t agree with is the “weak excuses part”. Some people have real serious medical issues from an irreparable thyroid, to severe depression (as much crap as people who are fit and fine may give those who aren’t emotional disorders are the worse case for obesity in women because no one cared when they were fit either).
      Ultimately, that “fit” girl you’re with is gonna get old, wrinkly, and baggy (unless she’s flat-chested, then she’ll just look like a wrinlky lil boy) so you really gotta pick someone for better or for worse.

  6. Mari

    I think it depends on where you are at. I noticed that when I was living in Philadelphia, I always had men trying to talk to me but when I moved back to my hometown in the Midwest, not a lot of men really try to talk to me but then again, Philly is a much more progressive city in terms of balancing things.

    Philly was not as segregated as certain cities in the Midwest. I also thought it was quite racial to, my experiences as a fat woman. Black and Latino men are much more likely to be accepting of a woman with a few extra pounds on her. I think that there are some white guys that like fat women too but hide their preferences because of the neo-fascist mainstream media that’s determined to stuff “thin-at-all-costs” down our throats.

    When you really think about it, weight is the last acceptable form of discrimination and I think a lot of people don’t feel good about themselves unless they have someone to look down on.

  7. imaAnnnnnnnimaL

    i agree wid mari! ’bout it depends where u’re at theory…i’m from hawaii and it’s normal to see big people…went up to cali and i get hollered at left to right…and then visited oregon in forrest grove and i was stared down errrrrywhere i go…with a look that reads “what is that?” lol…and i agree with hairapy with the physicals and stuff but thats more like personality than looks to me…so i’m with u dating web…because then again i truly think that it all has to do with confidence and loving ur own skin and stuff i mean i know it sounds corny and so cliche BUT it’s true…cause I’m bigger than most of my friends and (don’t mean to sound cocky) but when i feel like it i can get a guy that looks like “those men” and trust me sweeties don’t think so highly of them because they usually are more screwed up in the head then all of us…lol…so for you eric…c’mon now why u lyin for u know u want a fat and beautiful woman to put u to bed, bed, bed…lol…nah over-all i think that this article was cute…lol 😛 paYce!

  8. Unhappy

    I agree that thin, fit people are generally more attractive than overweight people. But I don’t think it is right to assume that just because someone is fat, that means they are lazy or have an inactive lifestye. I am extrememly active, eat well and am healthy. Much more so than many naturally thin people I know. And yet, I am overweight. And no one is interested in me romantically, most likely because of my weight. What the hell am I supposed to do? I work with a woman who drinks, doesn’t work out or watch what she eats but she’s naturally thin, blonde and she’s got men crawling all over her. She’s not that nice either. It is very unfair. Most days I feel like killing myself from the loneliness and frustration and sexual deprivation. So, yea, it would be very, very nice if people would care about something other than outward appearance but they don’t. I’m a nice person, intelligent, caring and have something to offer but men don’t want anything to do with me and my life is basically unbearable. People should at least have a little more compassion and not assume all fat people have a choice in the matter.

  9. as an overweight young black woman in today’s society i have to say that it is harder women like me to get involved with someone and have them like you on a romantic level. i think it’s because the average man looks for the average woman. like interests. things in common. fat with fat, good-looking with good-looking. that’s just the way it is. sure, you have a few men out there who are nondiscrimatory but where the hell are they? until you meet that special someone you just have to go through the hell-dipped anticipation.

  10. captain truth

    Guys like women who are feminine-looking. For example, female body-builders aren’t fat, but they’re generally repulsive to most men. Anorexics aren’t fat, but most guys don’t like them at all. Bull-dykes aren’t fat, but most guys don’t like them either.

    Men like women who remind them of women in all respects. If you’re so big that you’re indistinguishable from a fat male, you’re too fat. The closer you get to that, the less attractive you are. That’s why guys don’t like fat: it’s because the fat figure begins to drift away from those visual cues that say “woman”.

    On the other hand, women who are not skinny but still have those curves that say “human female” are fine by most men.

    Just be healthy, and take a tip from the world of tranvestites — men are almost robotic in that “feminine” is an automatic attraction. Capitalize on it in all respects and you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about being skinny or not.

  11. ERICN

    I find this topic interesting. the funny thing is that fat women are not attracted to fat men. this is very true. they may not admit it but they want some trim guy with a six pack to be with. it goes both ways. men have to keep up our appearances as well. and anyone who says that they cant loose weight is full of shit. you need to watch what you eat especially at night and you will loose weight. eat healthy. 1000 cal a day and you will loose weight. no question about it. light exercise. the truth is you dont want to loose weight cause you too damn lazy or its too hard. well stay fat and stay unhappy. there comes a time when you have to choose between food and living. i know that choice is hard. i know it. i lost 60 pounds. i know in the middle of night waking up and sleep eating. i know it. but i chose. if i can do it then so can you. so get off your ass and go for a walk and put a diet plan together.

  12. Mee

    True, I think woman which have some more belly then others, dont like ”fat man”. most likely because they think their ugly. which is not true. HUGE woman (like OVER 250 lbs) (regular hight 5 feet) are TO fat, woman with no fat at all are way to skinny, BUT mister ericn, 1000 cal a day is way to less, woman need about 2000 cal a day, AND mister ericn, NOT ALL woman can just lose weight like its nothing. most ‘american’ woman can IF they became overweight because of eating to much and eating bad food. Some woman just are overweight, (like their family). and just cant lose weight so easily. (on the healthy way)

  13. Chani


    You are so right, men don’t like fat women. The nicer,more decent men will accept you as a friend if you are fat ,and the jerks will try and use you as a Down-Low Girl (women they are happy to f*** on the down-low, but not take out in public for fear that their buddies will laugh at them.)

    Oh, sure you might get one or two so-called nice guys that will take you out on a date once or twice, but once they are hit on by a couple Bambis in a club (that they went to after they dropped you off from that dinner date at Denny’s or McDonald’s, which is where most guys take fat women on dates as they do not want to invest too much money or time in them), you’re through and are back to watching Headbangers Ball and eating a carton of Neopolitan on Saturday nights (I know, I was there 100 lbs and 5 dress sizes ago)

    And let’s face it, would you want Gus G. from Firewind or Kirk Windstein from Crowbar if given a choice? (or for those of you who know nothing about heavy metal music, your choices are Usher and Bizarre from D-12)

    Sad truth is, if you meet a man who claims to like big women, he’s either too old or ugly to get anything else, broke as a joke (and wants you to support his deadbeat ass), has major personality flaws (that many fat women overlook out of sheer desperation. I know, when I was fat, I was one of those types that overlooked huge personality flaws just so I could have a boyfriend.), has no source of income or has an income but spends it on slender women he deems more “worthy” and wants you to pay for everything when he “takes you out”(kind of like payment for deigning to be seen in public with a fat woman), is homeless or about to be homeless and looking for a place to live (and in their minds, who better than a “fat chick” to exploit and use?), or is a scammer and sees that the fat woman is so desperate that she will cook for him, clean for him, do his laundry, provide him with endless sexual favors and drive him hither and yon never being taken out anywhere or getting so much as a take-out pizza in return while he has other fat “girlfriends” who do the the same thing and think they are the only one, all the while spending his time and money on the societally acceptable women.

    And then there are the guys who go for fat women because of some sick attachment to their momma (who is also fat) and believe that these women will talk like, act like, and generally be a replacement for momma.

    And let’s not forget the “hoggers”, men who get a thrill out of using fat women for sex and throwing them to the curb the very next day, if not sooner.

    Oh sure, there are guys online who claim to love fat women and make dates to meet you, but when you go to the place (usually a fast food joint) they asked you to meet them at so they could have dinner and talk with you, your so- called “date” never shows up and you end up feeling like a chump and eating alone, and talking to the lady cleaning the lobby just to have some kind of human interaction, and to make matters worse, the guy never contacts you again to explain why he didn’t show up or even to say, “F*** you, fattie!”

    The sad truth is that there are very few, if any men who are truly attracted to fat women and most who do approach fat women professing their “love” for fat women generally have problems of their own or are looking to scam them in one way or another. I’m not saying all, but most.

    “Size acceptance advocates” can preach loving yourself until they’re blue in the face, but when reality hits and most fat women are at home on Saturday nights sewing that hole in their ripped 2XL Metallica t-shirt and watching “Headbangers Ball” so they have something to do besides eating that box of Twinkies that has been calling their name all night, self- acceptance goes right down the commode!

    Shame on these men, but also shame on us as (in my case, former) fat women for letting them do it. We could say no, but we have that nonexistent little glimmer of hope that someone might actually find our sagging breasts and protruding guts sexy. This is what gets fat women into these situations: Some opportunist says, “I really find fat women very sexy”, and we grin like morons and let them treat us any way they want as long as they give us some little crumb of attention.

  14. Chani

    Wow! I never said it was fair, but that IS how life is and if you don’t like it, lose some weight if you want guys who look like models.

  15. PiNkY

    Well, I am a big girl and I love it. I have a husband who loves the shit out of me. I am very beautiful, with curly hair down to my butt, hazel eyes, front and back stacked, and I get hit on all the time. You are right though, it is more from black and mexican men. Either way, I know someone out there is admiring what I got. I know how to carry myself well and you would never know how big I am with my clothes on, because I actually look smaller. Thats not the point though. If you dont love yourself and you are not happy with yourself, then you need to fix that in your life before you can go on to find a man that is going to love you and accept you like that. Some men like thick women, some men like fat women, some men like skinny women. I say forget the man if he doesnt even want to look your way. So what if you’re a big girl. BE PROUD!!!!!!!!!! Or lose some weight and go be a skinny little bitch.

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  17. That Guy

    Oh my god… some of you people are just bad.

    Look, as far as physical attraction goes, I feel that in my opinion it is not bad to be over weight or under weight unless it’s so extreme that it’s obvious that weight is a real problem.

    Being an obese individual myself, I have been in some relationships and one thing I’ve found is that personality and maturity have more to do with attraction than a lot of other factors.

    As far as weight is concerned, it is always best to try and stay as healthy as possible. But if you’re going to lose weight do it for health reasons, forget trying to use it to meet a standard of vanity provided by someone else.

    And by the way, I’m obese and I’ve had quite a few relationships that have had their ups and downs and sex. So being overweight and being attractive are far from being mutually exclusive.

  18. a

    this is a terribly written post that has no point and is full of shallow, amateur, naive, and poorly articulated thoughts on a subject that is much more complex than a teenage-mentality perspective can offer a seasoned view on.

    Waste of time.

  19. Sandy

    I am 260 pounds, 5’4, cute & fat. So I guess I am never going to find a man?? I had plenty that just txt me after 12am to meet-but I never do. Come to think of it I think my ex was using me too.

  20. I weigh about 280 lbs im 27 yrs old and have never had a boyfriend. I just joined a gym and i find myself with more energy and very content after every work out. I’ve lost a couple inches so far and I’m having fun in dance classes and kick boxing. but still i haven’t met anyone. so what am i supposed to do? what if it takes a year for me to loose 50 lbs or more (i know it won’t happen overnight). It was hard enough to convince myself that maybe it was my weight that kept me from meeting men, and now that i’m working on my body, what am i supposed to do as i remain dateless in the meantime?

  21. Thickchick

    I’ve always been a size 12(US). im tall so that helps. My bmi is 28…so that would mean I am overweieght by bmi standards, but I have big breasts and hips and have a flat stomach. I’ve never had a problem attracting men, quite the contrary and I love men who are “thick” too…I love my body because its smooth and curvy….. but I have to be honest I would not like to gain anymore weight, I know if I do I don’t get hit on as much…..BUT it shouldnt matter….I get hit on for how I look but guys that I ended up going out with couldnt care less what I looked like, our personalities clicked

  22. cayleigh

    i just have to say in regaurds to this article i completely agree with what was said about ” a woman doesnt want to be liked just because they are a BBW” we just want to be loved for who we are, i was in a bit of a weird place recently and you know when one sentence gives you a lil mind epiphany, that did and i just want to say thankyou, and about loving the skin your in, how does everyone feel about the fact you might have to change the skin your in to love it, or do you feel that negates the whole purpose?

  23. Jazzy

    Hmm…I’m 265 lbs and only 5’1″. I’ve had various experiences with guys and here’s how it usually goes: the skinny “Mr. Six-Pack” guys are either on a dare or trying to win a bet-while the guys that look just as big as me tend to be sweethearts (except this one guy who vehemently wanted dangerously thin asian women-maybe he had a fetish-I dunno/don’t care). I had the time of my life with a 320 lb guy I dated in highschool. I think it was because I wasn’t afraid to be myself with him, I mean, during lunch we’d kill off a whole Dominicks pizza and laugh about it. We’d get out of breath hiking to the fourth floor and sit on the bottom of the last staircase laughing at how neither of us could make it all the way without stopping for air. We squeezed into three seats on the bus every afternoon and jammed out to Metallica on the way home. I guess what I’m trying to say is-it’s not all about sex, personality counts too.

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